Dispensary Review: Tommy Chims Smokes Swade Cannabis’ Weed | Dispensary Reviews | St. Louis | St. Louis News and Events
click to enlarge
Dispensary workers as a group must be the happiest subgroup of retail workers in the entire lot.
That’s not to say they dive into their employers’ supplies or anything, nor would I suggest their job be particularly easy. So far, my experience of buying weed in the burgeoning medical marijuana industry in St. Louis has consistently resulted in my exposure to some of the friendliest, happiest workers I have seen in my many years of exchanging money for goods. It feels like there is some sense of amazement that we can even do this right out in the open – after all, not so long ago buyers and sellers were considering potential jail time for things in a pharmacy.
I can project. As a man who over the years has repeatedly broken the legal system for weeds – and who at times even had to submit to indignation to regularly fill a cup with urine while a representative of the state used Spiegel to show my thing- Staring at Dong from three different angles – I can safely attest that I absolutely love not having to worry about all this shit.
But I suspect that for the time being at least, while the novelty is still fresh, that feeling will likely extend to staff at a pharmacy as well. And no pharmacy I’ve visited has impressed me more than Swade Cannabis’ Grove location (4108 Manchester Avenue, 314-924-6503).
Nestled between Tropical Liqueurs and Just John Night Club, Swade’s Grove had just recently opened its doors when I came to visit. As I entered, I found a waiting room area to the right and a front desk to the left, manned by a woman wearing a Swade face mask – the first of several extremely pleasant staff members I would interact with on this visit.
After giving her my ID, health card, phone number, and email address, I was asked to pull down my own mask and look straight into a surveillance camera so the store could store my ugly mug. She stated that this is so that they know who they are doing business with – a security measure it seems – and that she expects that once mask mandates are no longer in effect, it will no longer be necessary. In any case, it wasn’t a big deal.
My stupid face entered the file, I stepped on the floor of the shop. The pharmacy itself is an unforgettable sight, a “statement room” for architecture and design, according to a press release announcing its opening. As the flagship of the Swade brand and the third pharmacy in the St. Louis area, thanks to the work of several locals, this place reads almost like a work of art to walk around in. It was designed by MIN + Architecture, with thoughtful flourishes, including a colorful mural on the front of the building by Jayvn Soloman, a lighted ceiling print by Dave Bour at SuperDog Content, and Douglas fir benches by Jermain Todd of Mwanzi Co. Overall, it just feels cool and suits the general mood of the Grove.
I was led to the “Bud Bar” by helpful employee number two, where helpful employee number three was standing behind a table holding a row of flower-filled illuminated glasses with magnifying glasses in their lids. At the time of my visit, the store had Miracle Alien Cookies, Critical Mass, Pineapple Upside-Down Wedding Cake, Purple Trainwreck, and Vanilla Kush on hand. As I stared at the different varieties in their enlarged state, the now three employees who were standing in the room talked excitedly about the products with an enthusiasm that frankly simply cannot be counterfeited.
I went with an eighth of the Miracle Alien Cookies ($ 60) and a pack of Blueberry Wana Gummies ($ 28 after a $ 12 discount due to a sale). I had also seen on the shop’s website that it had pre-rolls of Blue Dream, which happens to be my favorite, so I grabbed one of these too ($ 20 for 1 gram). After taxes – $ 4.56 Missouri sales tax, $ 5.89 St. Louis sales tax, $ 4.32 cannabis sales tax – my total was $ 122.77.
I took my goods across town to my former dealer, Mr. Nickname, who I knew happened to have a blue dream on hand. We stood in his back yard on a beautiful, sunny spring day and went to work comparing notes. A popular sativa-dominant hybrid made by crossing Blueberry with Haze and rated at 21.25 percent THC, my pre-roll with the Clovr brand met my expectations and a few more, bringing a familiar relaxing euphoria as well as feeling of focus and energy in my state of mind.
Mr. Nickname apparently experienced similar energizing effects from his supply. Within fifteen minutes of smoking, I was watching him fix a broken water feature in his back yard, pull a grill out of his shed to clean it, and then get some charcoal going. In other words, couch-lock isn’t an issue with this strain – and if the fact that I left before the burgers hit the grill is any indication, it’s not exceptionally appetizing either (though I suspect Mr. . Nickname does not agree).
click to enlarge
The next day, I dove into the Miracle Alien Cookies. The hybrid strain is a cross between Alien Cookies, Columbian Gold and Starfighter with a THC rating of 16.21 percent. Her fluffy, light green buds are downright blurry with trichomes. I only bought this product for its looks – Swade did well with these magnifying glasses. Upon opening, I was faced with a strong citrus bite, giving way to a rich weed smell as I cracked open the slightly sticky buds. When inhaled, it had a fragrant, fuel-like taste that I could feel in my sinuses, and I coughed before I finished the bowl. My budtender at Swade said this strain was pretty much a 50/50 mix of sativa and indica, and that shows from my experience – I felt relaxed but not weakened, I was able to stay productive but not super focused, and the nibbles didn’t really come into play.
I looked at the Blueberry Wana Gummies with some hesitation. I’ve long thought that I had a pretty high tolerance for food, but my experience over the past week with a Keef Bubba Kush root beer that absolutely hit my ass while consuming it made me more cautious. The gummies come in a child-resistant pack of ten, each containing ten milligrams of THC. Since the root beer that had laid me on so thoroughly the week before contained a whopping 100 milligrams of THC, I played it safe and only ate three of the gums, which were fruity and not too sour, with just a hint of the earthy cannabis flavor. That seemed like the sweet spot – about an hour later my stomach started growling, then a wave of relaxation hit me and I found myself with an unmistakable fall of giggle. Time also seemed to slow down, and my chronic pain was adequately relieved – all in keeping with the gummi’s status as indica dominant.
It’s easy to see why the Swade staff seemed so damn happy – as an overall setting, the store is artistic, unique, and unmistakably hip, and its goods get the job done with ease. During my visit, a member of staff mentioned that business had been slow that day but said he expected things to get better once it became known. I have absolutely no doubt that it is correct.
As of this week we are introducing a new function in this column. Welcome to Higher Thoughts, where old Tommy Chims smokes a strain from this review – in this case, Miracle Alien Cookies – and then immediately writes whatever comes to mind, hoping to give you, dear reader, a clearer picture of himself general way of thinking to give effects: no rules, no predetermined number of words and above all no editing. Here we go:
How come there are no more smoking-hot monster films? We went through a whole thing with it a few years ago with the Twilight series – hot vampires and sexy werewolves were all the rage, I remember – but are we really happy to leave it at that? I want to see all the hot versions of the monsters. A smoldering swamp thing, a breathtakingly beautiful Mothra. Hugefoot if you understand my meaning. Think “WAP” meets the Monster Mash. Sure, Godzilla Vs. King Kong is great and all, but what if we could also be horny for their ripped lizard abs and chiseled monkey cheeks while we watch it? Missed opportunities is all I say
Was that helpful? Who knows! Until next week.
Thomas K. Chimchards is RFT’s resident cannabis correspondent and ardent monster admirer. Email him tips at [email protected] and follow him on Twitter @TOMMYCHIMS.
- Sign up for our weekly newsletter to get the latest news, activities and restaurants straight to your inbox.
- Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.